The Cabbage Patch

Restless

For days now, I've been restless.  Feeling unsettled.  Worried almost.  I have barely been able to sit down and sew or knit.  My studio is once again a mess as I've flitted from one project to the next and not finishing hardly any of them.  

For weeks and months now, I've been reading about all the wonderful babies.  Babies who have come and babies who are coming.  Babies to moms who have struggled with wanting more but not yet having more.  

Please all my wonderful friends who are pregnant or have just had babies:  I am VERY HAPPY for you.  This is all about my feelings about myself.  I have loved seeing the new little ones popping up here and there in photos on the blogosphere.  I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of some more babies.  

However, I'm feeling somewhat lost.  Feeling a physical longing for another little one.  My heart just aches for another one.  I thought I had passed this stage.  

But, just now, I've had an epiphany.  It'll be three years tomorrow.  Three years since I lost my last baby.  It still hurts.  

7 Quick Takes ~ Hoping to be Back in the Saddle Edition

~1~

I'm trying to get back in the saddle on various things and blogging is one of them.  I want to continue to blog here and to blog more at The Seemly Seamstress.  Now, the key word is "try".

~2~

Ben comes home soon.  I'll leave it at that.

~3~

It is not Nutcracker season.  It seems odd to have Saturday afternoons off, but it's nice.  

~4~

Parenting older kids is exhausting.  It was so much easier to parent toddlers.  They were physically exhausting, but older kids are more mentally taxing.  And then, there's the constant worry that I'm ruining my children for the rest of their lives.  

~5~

Can I say how thankful I am for my parents?  They've been such a great help to me this deployment.  It's still very hard because well, see number 4, but the house hasn't been this neat during a deployment.  And, well, the house has never been that neat or clean during Nutcracker season.  Well, it's never really neat, but neater than it would've been without my parents around.

~6~

The presidential election is coming up.  I'm really worried.

~7~

Very worried.

 

What Have I Been Up To?

 

Making the above costumes plus fittings and other additions to costumes.  

And, finding a replacement for below.  On top of Christmas preparations.  This year I was a complete Advent flunky.  

Poor Pumpkin

Fifteen minutes before class ended for Sister, I received a frantic phone call from my mother.  I could hear screaming in the background.  Pumpkin had fallen off the play structure is all I got out of her.  

I grabbed Sister from her class.  I don't remember anything but taking her from there.  I remember raising my voice but truly it was tunnel vision.  I grabbed my stuff and we took off.  My heart was racing and my hands were shaking.  I called my mother again and asked her for some more details.  Luckily, the screaming had stopped.

What happened?  Well, the drought and extreme heat had shrunk the soil a bit where the fireman's pole sits.  It dropped it precariously low and when Pumpkin tried to slide down it, it fell out of the top part.  She dropped onto the cross beam and used her mouth to break her fall.  That little piece where it's not weathered in the picture?  It ended up in her gums.  They pulled it out when they cleaned her gums.  

The teeth are fine.  Lots of things played into her gums only being damaged.  With time, she should heal well.  It's just quite unsightly.  

The gums were "gloved".  Picture when you peel gloves off your hands, that's what happened to the gums on her permanent teeth.  They are exposed.  Ick.  

She's been a trooper, but I think it'll be a while before her siblings, grandparents and her mother recover.  

Sister was weepy the whole ride home.  She was very concerned for her baby sister.  Honey was crying as well as scared when I arrived home.  Brother held it all in until I hugged him this morning and asked if he had been worried.

The funny moments?  Yes, there were funny ones.  Pumpkin was worried about how she would smile dancing in the Nutcracker.  

I mentioned to Pumpkin that her brother did care about her and he chimed in with, "Sometimes.  Like when she gets really hurt."

Thank you to everyone who prayed us through this.  You gotta love Facebook for that.  Word can spread so quickly.  And, prayers get started immediately.

 

Five Years ~ Major David Gladney Taylor, Jr. ~ RIP

This is Jake, Dave's son.  Oh, he sure knows that Freedom is Not Free.

Five years.  It doesn't seem possible that five years have passed since Dave was killed by a roadside IED in Iraq.  

I met Dave in 1995 through Ben.  He was a single soldier and we often had the single soldiers over for dinner or other social activities.  They all got along together very well.  The unit they were in had a wonderful group of officers and they were very close.

I knew him for 11 years.  It doesn't seem to be have been nearly enough.  

For most of my life, I've always wanted an older brother.  I always felt an older brother would take care of me.  Dave fit that perfectly.  He was like an older brother.  He teased me.  He took care of me.  He was my friend.

I miss him.  Terribly.  

Five years.  I don't think I can bear it when we reach more years gone than I knew him.  I just don't.  And, I want to feel badly that this post is all about how much I miss him, but I can't seem to.  

7 Quick Takes ~ September 30, 2011

~1~

Nutcracker season is starting soon.  It's an exciting time of the year.  We are so busy we don't always know if we're coming and going but we just LOVE it.  Sister never wants to leave the ballet studio and frankly, I just love watching it come together (when I am able to sneak in and watch).  I'm trying to work on a sample for one of the roles.  

~2~

All my shows have started up again.  I love crime shows, but I'm not sure if I can handle some of the stress.  Luckily, I have a DVR so I can fast forward.

~3~

So, I have an itinerary to plan, hotel reservations to make, packing to finish, a few tutus I want to make.  However, what am I doing?  Watching the shows I DVR'd.  The new season has started for all my shows and my DRV is getting filled up.  I don't want to miss any episodes so I'm watching TV shows to empty out my storage space.  Priorities, huh?  

~4~

Facebook.  So, there's quite an uproar about the new things coming out as well as the lack of privacy.  I post on a blog.  I enter this freely knowing that my family is out there in cyberspace.  I know.  I have done this knowingly.  Just as I did with Facebook.  I'm not anonymous.  And, no place on the internet will be completely private.  That's just the way it is.  

~5~

My niece, Ruby, doesn't like me.  But, I'm determined to make her like me.  She likes Brother though.  

~6~

We leave on Sunday.  Yes, I'm putting it out there.  My parents are staying home.  The house won't be empty.  We're headed to Memphis first, then to Bristol, TN/VA, then to the Dulles area.  Then we will drive to Long Island.  I think I might visit MacBeth on the way to the aunts' house.  Then we'll be on Cape Cod by Thursday.  I'm looking forward to seeing everyone, but not looking forward to the endless hours of driving.  I just hope my children's bladders can hold more than last year.

~7~

I am going to try to blog the trip.  I'm looking forward to the cooler temperatures and the change in color of the foliage.  And, green!  Everything here is just brown.  And, dry.  And, crunchy.  

~8~

I know.  One more thing.  Who orders just one windshield wiper?  Apparently me.  I'm waiting on the second one to arrive tomorrow.  The ones on my car stink.  And, I'm sure we will have rain on the way.  I hope.

One Year

One year.  That's how much time has passed since Erin passed away.  We are in Houston to help distract Patrick.  I don't know if we did much good.  He was cranky but I understood.  

I think back on the past year and remember bits and pieces.

I remember the drive to Houston the night I heard about Erin.  The notifications that came through via my iPhone from all the people on Facebook who were praying for her.

I remember praying fervently for Erin.  I prayed more that weekend than ever.  I prayed the rosary and the Divine Mercy chaplet over and over and over.  I remember feeling comforted that the hospital was a Catholic one.  I felt comforted that I could go to the chapel.  Over that Saturday night, I went to Erin's room and prayed the Divine Mercy chaplet.  I prayed it unceasingly along with the rosary at her final hour.  It gave me comfort.  And, I hope it helped her.   

I remember the staff of the ICU.  They were so compassionate and wonderful in taking care of Erin and Patrick.  They didn't forget the spouse.  There was also an orderly who brought me a pillow and blanket when he saw me curled up in a chair trying to keep warm in that coldly air conditioned waiting room.  

I remember all the support I received from my local friends and all the wonderful people I have met online.  

I remember the heated words between siblings.  And, the breaking down of yours truly when it all became too much after the heated words.  Plus the apology from the heart.  

I remember the flurry of activity as we planned a funeral for someone whose life was too short. 

My children remember the phone call from me to Ben.  They remember the tears.  They remember the sadness.  They remember an aunt whom they loved with all their heart in the way of children.  They miss her keenly.

We miss you, Erin Kennedy Cho.  

We are having a mass said for Erin on Wednesday at 9am central time.  Please pray with us.

 

Welfare?

I am incensed.  Absolutely incensed!

A NY Times article discusses the plans to change the pension plan for the military.  The topic alone is enough to anger me, but this article goes too far.  

As Washington looks to squeeze savings from once-sacrosanct entitlements like Social Security and Medicare, another big social welfare {emphasis mine} system is growing as rapidly, but with far less scrutiny: the health and pension benefits of military retirees.

This is how the article begins. 

Welfare?  The pension system is welfare?  Are you kidding me?  Since when is something you work towards considered welfare?  So, all the years my husband has worked 16 hour days and the days and months he's spent away from the family not even including deployments don't count?  

It's a slap in the face.  

Ben has been in the Army for 19 years.  I can't even begin to list the number of events he has missed.  Anniversaries?  Check.  Birthdays?  Check and double check.  Weddings?  Check.  Funerals?  Check.  Holidays?  Check.  Oh, I can go on and on.

Please Mr. NY Times, tell my children that what they have sacrificed means so little.  Ben has missed 3 of Pumpkin's 6 birthdays.  He has missed many of their ballet performances.  

Social welfare, my ass.  He and my family have earned these benefits.

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ September 16, 2011

~1~

The biggest news of the week:  I ordered bifocals.  Yes, my eyes are getting old and tired.  I have trouble reading with my distance glasses on.  So, I had to get bifocals.  It stinks.  I spent an exorbitant amount of money so I could have reading glasses and a pair of bifocals.  I spend a lot of time reading or doing close up work like knitting and sewing so I thought the reading glasses were worth the investment.  I sure hope the bifocals come in before I have to leave for Massachusetts.  I was able to pick up my reading glasses from the eyeglass place.

~2~

I think I have sewing ADD.  I keep hopping from one project to another.  I'm going to have to slow down and finish one before moving on to the next.  There are so many that I want to do.  Where did all of this come from?  I'm anxious to get started on a tutu for Sister.  Mainly, I want to practice on making a tutu so I'll use Sister as my model.  Besides, when I want to take the photos, I can use her.  She's quite photogenic so it should be a breeze.

~3~

I took my CHL class last week and did pretty well.  I missed two questions out of fifty on the written exam.  I rocked the range portion.  243 out of a possible 250.  I am certified to receive a CHL once the background check goes through.  

~4~

Brother's OT has left the therapy clinic to a military clinic where she will work with soldiers with brain injuries.  It's a noble job but we are quite saddened by her departure.  She had a farewell party so that the kids she works very closely with in a sort of social group could say goodbye.  It was very nice.  The tears were flowing.  After the party ended, Brother couldn't get out of there fast enough.  He didn't want to face it.  He did very well.  I know next week will be a bit difficult for him when he starts with his new OT.  It'll be even more interesting because it's a man.

~5~

Isn't it interesting how we end up here.  How did I end up as a homeschooling mother of 4, near Fort Hood, TX?  As a ballet mom who sews costumes?  As the owner of a new startup home business?  I don't quite know.  The best laid plans...

~6~

I'm very picky about charities.  I like to hear that 100% of the proceeds go to the needy.  However, what if it's only 2% of the gross proceeds?  I'd rather send the whole amount to someone in need than know that the measly percentage went to them.  I usually do this at church.  

    ~7~

We are headed to Massachusetts to celebrate the nuptial mass of Ben's goddaughter and Pumpkin's godmother.  We will be driving from Texas going through Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut and Rhode Island.  I think that's all of them.  I'm not looking at a map and could have added or left one out.  I don't know.  We'll be stopping by in Long Island to visit the aunts who live there.  There are so many people I'd like to meet up with there, but we only have a very small window to visit.  

I'm looking forward to seeing fall in New England again.  I remember vividly how beautiful the foliage was at our wedding (the same day as this wedding).  I just can't wait.

 

Remembering 9/11

I read a blog post the other day written by a young woman who was 8 when 9/11 happened.  Her dad was in the Army, the peaceful Army.  That day life changed for her family.  Her dad deployed twice before he retired from the military.  

This post hit home for me.  It made me think about my children.  What has 9/11 meant for us as family?  

It's meant a lot more sacrifice as a military family.  

It's meant that daddy is gone for months at a time.  We are blessed.  Ben is only on his third deployment.  He's never been gone for a full year.  The longest has been 8 months.  There are some families who are on their 4th or 5th deployments.  That wears on a family.  The families sacrifice a lot.  

It's meant that my children see armed guards patrolling the parking lots of the PX and aren't unnerved by it.  

It's meant that my children's Uncle Dave is no longer around.

We pray for the victims of 9/11.  It was a very sad day and it still continues to be.  Six years ago, I hesitated when scheduling a baptism on this day.  But, I thought what a fitting thing to do on a day that held so much sadness.  Pumpkin was baptized on this day.

So, we will never forget.  Neither the sad not the happy.  And, we pray.  We pray every single week for peace at our parish.  We pray every day for the soldiers deployed.  And, we hope.