The Cabbage Patch

Lent

I'm not ready.  I mean I'm really not ready.  I don't want to fast tomorrow.  I don't want to give anything up.  I'm really not ready.  And, I don't wanna.

I feel like I've already lived my Lent.  And, I'm tired.  I think six months is enough of a "lent".

This past deployment was very, very hard.  It shouldn't have been.  My parents are living with me so I had adult company.  I had physical help.  But, no one can really take the burden of parenting away.  

Toddlers are easier.  You can move them physically.  It's easier to cuddle them and read a book to them.  Littler kids are easy to distract.  They don't feel the absence of the other parent as keenly as the older ones.

I had a 10 year old girl and a 13 year old boy who is actually developmentally around 10.  So, it was hard.  They were hard.  The 10 year old girl was extremely emotional.  She missed her dad.  A lot.  The 13 year old boy had so many changes within his body (did I mention he's got a mustache?) but is really only at a 10 year old level.  He had no idea what was going on.  It didn't get to him much, but it did make him more difficult to handle.  

Looking back, I can't pinpoint why it was so hard except for the above.  But, I can make a pretty good guess that deployment followed very closely by my sister-in-law's death followed by deployment probably didn't help.  I'm not sure I grieved fully.  I jumped right into helping my brother so I don't know if I really did.  But, then I'm not sure I grieved fully my friend, Dave's, death.  And, that was at the end of deployment.  

My shoulders can hold a lot.  I'm a very strong person.  But, I haven't been able to shrug things away as easily these past few years.  

So, I guess my Lent will be in working to get myself back on track.  To work at getting back to an even keel.  

As Father Tyson, a priest we just loved who is now at Fort Stewart, used to say, "I'll pray for you.  Pray for me."

7 Quick Takes ~ No Number Edition

One

Raising a child with special needs is a challenge.  Often, I think, "Oh, we're finally making headway."  Then, I get a report.  An evaluation.  The latest one marks Brother at a 7 year old level on some things.  I won't get into what items here, as I don't want to violate his privacy too much.  It's not a HUGE thing, but it's enough to see it in writing to make me want to weep.  He struggles on a daily basis to navigate in the world while we neurotypical people just breeze on through.  I've shed many a tear for him.  I worry incessantly over his future.  He is a wonderful boy.  A teen.  New challenges keep cropping up.  Sometimes I worry that I won't be able to keep up with them.  

Two

In case you haven't heard, the Obama administration has mandated that the Catholic church and affiliated organizations should provide for free, contraceptives via their health insurance for their employers.  I am incensed that the President of this great nation would do this.  How could he?  Or as one article says, "How dare he?"  This is not about contraceptives.  If you think so, you are a blinded.  This is all about taking away rights.  If this right to our freedom of religion is trampled on now, it will be worse later.  There will be more and more taken away.  

Three

Doom and gloom, huh?  That's how I've been feeling.  Sometimes I feel the walls are crumbling.  What walls?  The walls I've erected to keep all the stressors compartmentalized.  Brother, deployment, car accident, grief unexplored, reintegration.  Just lots and lots of stress.  I'm afraid of it all boiling over.  Pray for me?

Four

The spring ballet season is in full swing.  I know that company rehearsals start next week.  I'm excited about what will be coming.  We're discussing costume ideas.  I'm doing research.  This is the FUN part for me.  Besides seeing my beautiful girls dance.  I just love it all.

Five

I have a special intention that needs prayers.  Saint John of God, please pray for us.

Six

Ben is off for the next three weeks.  It will be good for the children to have him home.  I'm sure they all thought they'd be off from school the whole time, but I had to disabuse them of that notion.  I did tell them that if they worked extra hard and did extra stuff each day, they could take the last week of his leave off from school.

Seven

I am actually making a craft from something I pinned on Pinterest.  Are you on it?  It's a wonderful world of visual yumminess.  I'll post pictures once I'm done.  I didn't get enough stuff to finish it.  That's on tomorrow's agenda.

Facebook

It's interesting.  Some people love it.  Some people hate it.  If you know me at all, you know I love it.  I have friends from high school, college, local friends, and friends I've never met in person.  The Catholic homeschool community is amazing.  I've met so many people on-line.  After having met them on-line, I've made the effort to meet them in person.  

Homeschooling can be isolating.  Oh, sure, we have a great community here.  But, our daily lives consist of being at home and well, learning.  So, sometimes when I have to complain about something or if something excites me, I have to shout it to the world.  The best thing about Facebook?  The prayers.  

I've been made fun of because of my propensity to post to Facebook.  I post pictures.  I post events.  I post complaints.  I post my views and articles which illuminate my views.  Some people are offended.  I've recently made a list of people.  A list of people who won't be seeing my posts.  I'm too lazy to change it each time I post innocuous things.  So, I won't.  

Another thing I won't do?  Apologize for my faith and my convictions.

Homecoming Pictures

I am hoping this is the last one.  But, it's the Army and we have 2 1/2 more years before he will retire.  He can retire this October.  But, we will wait longer.  Although truth be told, I might have to ask him to wait until after 2016.  You see, his retirement certificate will be signed by the Commander-in-Chief.  We will see after November.

There he is!

7 Quick Takes ~ Home Again Edition

 

One

Ben returned on Sunday around 9pm.  The children were kept in the dark until about 7 when my dad hung up the welcome home sign.  They were very happy.  Sister was too but you could see in her face that the past six months had been painful for her.  A suffering of sorts.  It was written all over her face.  And, Brother.  He broke down after processing it.  

Two

Reunions are great.  Reintegrations are not.  Enough said, right military wives?

Three

It's upsetting to learn that a young girl's heart has been hurt repeatedly for a year as she was bullied in what is considered a pretty safe environment.  But, the adult leader is not able to be near every child as she teaches.  And, can't hear the mean words being said.  I know once she finds out what's been happening she'll be upset.  Words can hurt.  And, this beautiful soul has been carrying the pain silently for too long. 

Four

So many people need prayers right now.  Please pray for them all.  

Five

The ballet school had open curtain today.  It's always so fun to watch my girls.  Sister and Pumpkin both had their classes on Thursday.  Honey will have hers on Friday.  They've all gotten much stronger.  Sister and I stuck around and watched a little bit of the advanced group of gals.  I felt sort of sad watching them because I knew we were going to lose a few of them to PCS moves this summer.

Six

It's tax season.  I need to get our taxes done.  I also take care of my parents' taxes and one of my brothers.  My parents are going to visit Patrick and pick up his tax information for me.  I wish he lived closer so I could see him more often.

Seven

Sunday is the Super Bowl.  I need to dig out my Patriot bows.  Go PATRIOTS!!!  

Restless

For days now, I've been restless.  Feeling unsettled.  Worried almost.  I have barely been able to sit down and sew or knit.  My studio is once again a mess as I've flitted from one project to the next and not finishing hardly any of them.  

For weeks and months now, I've been reading about all the wonderful babies.  Babies who have come and babies who are coming.  Babies to moms who have struggled with wanting more but not yet having more.  

Please all my wonderful friends who are pregnant or have just had babies:  I am VERY HAPPY for you.  This is all about my feelings about myself.  I have loved seeing the new little ones popping up here and there in photos on the blogosphere.  I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of some more babies.  

However, I'm feeling somewhat lost.  Feeling a physical longing for another little one.  My heart just aches for another one.  I thought I had passed this stage.  

But, just now, I've had an epiphany.  It'll be three years tomorrow.  Three years since I lost my last baby.  It still hurts.  

7 Quick Takes ~ Hoping to be Back in the Saddle Edition

~1~

I'm trying to get back in the saddle on various things and blogging is one of them.  I want to continue to blog here and to blog more at The Seemly Seamstress.  Now, the key word is "try".

~2~

Ben comes home soon.  I'll leave it at that.

~3~

It is not Nutcracker season.  It seems odd to have Saturday afternoons off, but it's nice.  

~4~

Parenting older kids is exhausting.  It was so much easier to parent toddlers.  They were physically exhausting, but older kids are more mentally taxing.  And then, there's the constant worry that I'm ruining my children for the rest of their lives.  

~5~

Can I say how thankful I am for my parents?  They've been such a great help to me this deployment.  It's still very hard because well, see number 4, but the house hasn't been this neat during a deployment.  And, well, the house has never been that neat or clean during Nutcracker season.  Well, it's never really neat, but neater than it would've been without my parents around.

~6~

The presidential election is coming up.  I'm really worried.

~7~

Very worried.

 

What Have I Been Up To?

 

Making the above costumes plus fittings and other additions to costumes.  

And, finding a replacement for below.  On top of Christmas preparations.  This year I was a complete Advent flunky.  

Poor Pumpkin

Fifteen minutes before class ended for Sister, I received a frantic phone call from my mother.  I could hear screaming in the background.  Pumpkin had fallen off the play structure is all I got out of her.  

I grabbed Sister from her class.  I don't remember anything but taking her from there.  I remember raising my voice but truly it was tunnel vision.  I grabbed my stuff and we took off.  My heart was racing and my hands were shaking.  I called my mother again and asked her for some more details.  Luckily, the screaming had stopped.

What happened?  Well, the drought and extreme heat had shrunk the soil a bit where the fireman's pole sits.  It dropped it precariously low and when Pumpkin tried to slide down it, it fell out of the top part.  She dropped onto the cross beam and used her mouth to break her fall.  That little piece where it's not weathered in the picture?  It ended up in her gums.  They pulled it out when they cleaned her gums.  

The teeth are fine.  Lots of things played into her gums only being damaged.  With time, she should heal well.  It's just quite unsightly.  

The gums were "gloved".  Picture when you peel gloves off your hands, that's what happened to the gums on her permanent teeth.  They are exposed.  Ick.  

She's been a trooper, but I think it'll be a while before her siblings, grandparents and her mother recover.  

Sister was weepy the whole ride home.  She was very concerned for her baby sister.  Honey was crying as well as scared when I arrived home.  Brother held it all in until I hugged him this morning and asked if he had been worried.

The funny moments?  Yes, there were funny ones.  Pumpkin was worried about how she would smile dancing in the Nutcracker.  

I mentioned to Pumpkin that her brother did care about her and he chimed in with, "Sometimes.  Like when she gets really hurt."

Thank you to everyone who prayed us through this.  You gotta love Facebook for that.  Word can spread so quickly.  And, prayers get started immediately.

 

Five Years ~ Major David Gladney Taylor, Jr. ~ RIP

This is Jake, Dave's son.  Oh, he sure knows that Freedom is Not Free.

Five years.  It doesn't seem possible that five years have passed since Dave was killed by a roadside IED in Iraq.  

I met Dave in 1995 through Ben.  He was a single soldier and we often had the single soldiers over for dinner or other social activities.  They all got along together very well.  The unit they were in had a wonderful group of officers and they were very close.

I knew him for 11 years.  It doesn't seem to be have been nearly enough.  

For most of my life, I've always wanted an older brother.  I always felt an older brother would take care of me.  Dave fit that perfectly.  He was like an older brother.  He teased me.  He took care of me.  He was my friend.

I miss him.  Terribly.  

Five years.  I don't think I can bear it when we reach more years gone than I knew him.  I just don't.  And, I want to feel badly that this post is all about how much I miss him, but I can't seem to.  

7 Quick Takes ~ September 30, 2011

~1~

Nutcracker season is starting soon.  It's an exciting time of the year.  We are so busy we don't always know if we're coming and going but we just LOVE it.  Sister never wants to leave the ballet studio and frankly, I just love watching it come together (when I am able to sneak in and watch).  I'm trying to work on a sample for one of the roles.  

~2~

All my shows have started up again.  I love crime shows, but I'm not sure if I can handle some of the stress.  Luckily, I have a DVR so I can fast forward.

~3~

So, I have an itinerary to plan, hotel reservations to make, packing to finish, a few tutus I want to make.  However, what am I doing?  Watching the shows I DVR'd.  The new season has started for all my shows and my DRV is getting filled up.  I don't want to miss any episodes so I'm watching TV shows to empty out my storage space.  Priorities, huh?  

~4~

Facebook.  So, there's quite an uproar about the new things coming out as well as the lack of privacy.  I post on a blog.  I enter this freely knowing that my family is out there in cyberspace.  I know.  I have done this knowingly.  Just as I did with Facebook.  I'm not anonymous.  And, no place on the internet will be completely private.  That's just the way it is.  

~5~

My niece, Ruby, doesn't like me.  But, I'm determined to make her like me.  She likes Brother though.  

~6~

We leave on Sunday.  Yes, I'm putting it out there.  My parents are staying home.  The house won't be empty.  We're headed to Memphis first, then to Bristol, TN/VA, then to the Dulles area.  Then we will drive to Long Island.  I think I might visit MacBeth on the way to the aunts' house.  Then we'll be on Cape Cod by Thursday.  I'm looking forward to seeing everyone, but not looking forward to the endless hours of driving.  I just hope my children's bladders can hold more than last year.

~7~

I am going to try to blog the trip.  I'm looking forward to the cooler temperatures and the change in color of the foliage.  And, green!  Everything here is just brown.  And, dry.  And, crunchy.  

~8~

I know.  One more thing.  Who orders just one windshield wiper?  Apparently me.  I'm waiting on the second one to arrive tomorrow.  The ones on my car stink.  And, I'm sure we will have rain on the way.  I hope.

One Year

One year.  That's how much time has passed since Erin passed away.  We are in Houston to help distract Patrick.  I don't know if we did much good.  He was cranky but I understood.  

I think back on the past year and remember bits and pieces.

I remember the drive to Houston the night I heard about Erin.  The notifications that came through via my iPhone from all the people on Facebook who were praying for her.

I remember praying fervently for Erin.  I prayed more that weekend than ever.  I prayed the rosary and the Divine Mercy chaplet over and over and over.  I remember feeling comforted that the hospital was a Catholic one.  I felt comforted that I could go to the chapel.  Over that Saturday night, I went to Erin's room and prayed the Divine Mercy chaplet.  I prayed it unceasingly along with the rosary at her final hour.  It gave me comfort.  And, I hope it helped her.   

I remember the staff of the ICU.  They were so compassionate and wonderful in taking care of Erin and Patrick.  They didn't forget the spouse.  There was also an orderly who brought me a pillow and blanket when he saw me curled up in a chair trying to keep warm in that coldly air conditioned waiting room.  

I remember all the support I received from my local friends and all the wonderful people I have met online.  

I remember the heated words between siblings.  And, the breaking down of yours truly when it all became too much after the heated words.  Plus the apology from the heart.  

I remember the flurry of activity as we planned a funeral for someone whose life was too short. 

My children remember the phone call from me to Ben.  They remember the tears.  They remember the sadness.  They remember an aunt whom they loved with all their heart in the way of children.  They miss her keenly.

We miss you, Erin Kennedy Cho.  

We are having a mass said for Erin on Wednesday at 9am central time.  Please pray with us.

 

Welfare?

I am incensed.  Absolutely incensed!

A NY Times article discusses the plans to change the pension plan for the military.  The topic alone is enough to anger me, but this article goes too far.  

As Washington looks to squeeze savings from once-sacrosanct entitlements like Social Security and Medicare, another big social welfare {emphasis mine} system is growing as rapidly, but with far less scrutiny: the health and pension benefits of military retirees.

This is how the article begins. 

Welfare?  The pension system is welfare?  Are you kidding me?  Since when is something you work towards considered welfare?  So, all the years my husband has worked 16 hour days and the days and months he's spent away from the family not even including deployments don't count?  

It's a slap in the face.  

Ben has been in the Army for 19 years.  I can't even begin to list the number of events he has missed.  Anniversaries?  Check.  Birthdays?  Check and double check.  Weddings?  Check.  Funerals?  Check.  Holidays?  Check.  Oh, I can go on and on.

Please Mr. NY Times, tell my children that what they have sacrificed means so little.  Ben has missed 3 of Pumpkin's 6 birthdays.  He has missed many of their ballet performances.  

Social welfare, my ass.  He and my family have earned these benefits.

7 Quick Takes Friday ~ September 16, 2011

~1~

The biggest news of the week:  I ordered bifocals.  Yes, my eyes are getting old and tired.  I have trouble reading with my distance glasses on.  So, I had to get bifocals.  It stinks.  I spent an exorbitant amount of money so I could have reading glasses and a pair of bifocals.  I spend a lot of time reading or doing close up work like knitting and sewing so I thought the reading glasses were worth the investment.  I sure hope the bifocals come in before I have to leave for Massachusetts.  I was able to pick up my reading glasses from the eyeglass place.

~2~

I think I have sewing ADD.  I keep hopping from one project to another.  I'm going to have to slow down and finish one before moving on to the next.  There are so many that I want to do.  Where did all of this come from?  I'm anxious to get started on a tutu for Sister.  Mainly, I want to practice on making a tutu so I'll use Sister as my model.  Besides, when I want to take the photos, I can use her.  She's quite photogenic so it should be a breeze.

~3~

I took my CHL class last week and did pretty well.  I missed two questions out of fifty on the written exam.  I rocked the range portion.  243 out of a possible 250.  I am certified to receive a CHL once the background check goes through.  

~4~

Brother's OT has left the therapy clinic to a military clinic where she will work with soldiers with brain injuries.  It's a noble job but we are quite saddened by her departure.  She had a farewell party so that the kids she works very closely with in a sort of social group could say goodbye.  It was very nice.  The tears were flowing.  After the party ended, Brother couldn't get out of there fast enough.  He didn't want to face it.  He did very well.  I know next week will be a bit difficult for him when he starts with his new OT.  It'll be even more interesting because it's a man.

~5~

Isn't it interesting how we end up here.  How did I end up as a homeschooling mother of 4, near Fort Hood, TX?  As a ballet mom who sews costumes?  As the owner of a new startup home business?  I don't quite know.  The best laid plans...

~6~

I'm very picky about charities.  I like to hear that 100% of the proceeds go to the needy.  However, what if it's only 2% of the gross proceeds?  I'd rather send the whole amount to someone in need than know that the measly percentage went to them.  I usually do this at church.  

    ~7~

We are headed to Massachusetts to celebrate the nuptial mass of Ben's goddaughter and Pumpkin's godmother.  We will be driving from Texas going through Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut and Rhode Island.  I think that's all of them.  I'm not looking at a map and could have added or left one out.  I don't know.  We'll be stopping by in Long Island to visit the aunts who live there.  There are so many people I'd like to meet up with there, but we only have a very small window to visit.  

I'm looking forward to seeing fall in New England again.  I remember vividly how beautiful the foliage was at our wedding (the same day as this wedding).  I just can't wait.

 

Remembering 9/11

I read a blog post the other day written by a young woman who was 8 when 9/11 happened.  Her dad was in the Army, the peaceful Army.  That day life changed for her family.  Her dad deployed twice before he retired from the military.  

This post hit home for me.  It made me think about my children.  What has 9/11 meant for us as family?  

It's meant a lot more sacrifice as a military family.  

It's meant that daddy is gone for months at a time.  We are blessed.  Ben is only on his third deployment.  He's never been gone for a full year.  The longest has been 8 months.  There are some families who are on their 4th or 5th deployments.  That wears on a family.  The families sacrifice a lot.  

It's meant that my children see armed guards patrolling the parking lots of the PX and aren't unnerved by it.  

It's meant that my children's Uncle Dave is no longer around.

We pray for the victims of 9/11.  It was a very sad day and it still continues to be.  Six years ago, I hesitated when scheduling a baptism on this day.  But, I thought what a fitting thing to do on a day that held so much sadness.  Pumpkin was baptized on this day.

So, we will never forget.  Neither the sad not the happy.  And, we pray.  We pray every single week for peace at our parish.  We pray every day for the soldiers deployed.  And, we hope.  

7 Quick Takes Friday

~1~

I'm back.  I hope.  Things just never seem to slow down around here.  I know I should be used it by now, but I'm not.  Anyway, I hope to continue to blog on Fridays with the Quick Takes.  

~2~

As all of you probably know, there are fires all over the state of Texas.  We are bone dry.  The lakes and rivers are drying up.  When I read that the aircraft were getting water from lakes, all I could think was WHERE?  Which lakes have water left in them?  

The weather did break on Monday.  It was a glorious 57 degrees when I woke up.  I actually got up earlier than normal so I could sit outside with my coffee.

Now, if we could get some rain.  We are desperate.

~3~

Nutcracker season is upon us.  We signed up today except for Honey.  She demanded last year that this year I allow her to physically sign her name on the signup sheet.  This year is bittersweet.  My Pumpkin is old enough to participate.  Where has the time gone?  When Sister started at Newcomb School of Ballet, Pumpkin was still in her infant carrier.  Now, she's six.  And, so big.  

~4~

I sold a tutu!  I'm so happy about it.  It's a little girl tutu in purple.  I also have a Facebook page that I started for the business.  I will be getting a website up after my trip to Massachusetts.  

~5~

We are headed to Massachusetts in October.  I am trying to minimize absences in ballet without killing myself during the drive.  Ben's goddaughter who is also Pumpkin's godmother is getting married.  On our anniversary.  Pumpkin is a flower girl.  She's going to be precious.  New England in October is gorgeous.  

~6~

School is slow out of the gate this year.  We didn't school as much this summer because our first priority was spending time with Ben.  Then he left, and it was hard to get the kids moving.  That's okay.  We read.  We learned.  It just wasn't all seat work.

~7~

I'm teaching a Latin class to any middle and elementary students who are interested from our homeschool group.  After class, I heard more than once, a student exclaim, "This is the first time in my life I've had homework!"  It was hysterical.

 

Labor Day

So, what are you all doing this weekend?  I hear there are cooler temperatures in the forecast.  I sure hope so.  We have had so many days of 100+ weather that I'm a wilted Texan.  A cousin of Ben's posted pictures on Facebook of pumpkins.  Pumpkins!  Fall seems like such a foreign concept to me.  Another friend posted a link to a Johnny Appleseed lapbook.  The thought of fall books hasn't even crossed my mind yet.  But, it is September.  And, it's Labor Day weekend.

In all the years Ben has been an active duty soldier, he gets the Friday before a three day weekend off as a training holiday.  It's great.  The children really enjoy having him home for the four days.  Obviously, we are not going to be able to do that now.  It makes tracking holidays harder for me.  There's no Ben is home to look forward to so I tend to not see those types of holidays on the calendar.  

Tomorrow, a friend is taking several of the moms in our homeschool group to the range.  We are practicing with our pistols in preparation for our CHL (concealed handgun license).  I'll take pictures.  I even purchased pink ear protection.  I looked for pink or even purple eye protection, but no such luck for the ones that go over prescription glasses.  

Enjoy your weekend.  I have sewing and shooting to do this weekend.  

Double Digits...Again

My second child has hit the double digits.

The great big sister.  She's always there for them.

My girl who dances and dances and dances.  

Happy birthday, sweet girl.  I can't believe you are 10.

 

 

I Have a Teen

Happy birthday to my dear son.  He turns 13 today.  How'd that happen?  

My son still likes to hold my hand as we walk from the car to wherever we are headed.  I just love him.  It's very disconcerting though to hold the hand of my child when his hands are bigger than mine.  

I Am Here!

It's been so long since I've been on Typepad that I had to sign in again.  Where've I been?  Oh, around.  Life has been busy since Ben left.  By the time night rolls around, I don't have the energy or desire to blog.  There've been a ton of posts rolling around in my head, but I haven't put hands to keyboard until now.

One big thing I have to announce is that I've started a home business, That's Sew KC.  What kind of business is it?  I'll be making tutus, costumes, custom girly clothes, and general all around sewing.  I will have products and services available.  The business is, I'm sure, going to evolve.  I've done all the paperwork thus far for the government.  

I have also started another blog exclusively for the business and sewing matters.  I will probably cross post things as well since both worlds do overlap.  My blog name is The Seemly Seamstress.